telling the truth is a revolutionary act

thoughts i thought in myanmar

2012-01-09T02:51:00.000-08:00

In a second I was

Over the pacific

Lights of the city behind

San Francisco

Love of mine

Lost in the foggy black sky

-----

I looked out the window of this giant bird

And stars hung stately, strung in space

My heart contracts and breaths grow short

And tears Unwilled appear

Beauty begins to stop my heart

I, creation, fly with stars

----

The skies are dim with the promise of dawn

But the lights down below show the journey's begun

-----

The land below, the clouds above

Above the clouds a mountain range

It rises blue through lighter blue

And breaks the cloud's cool coat

-----

Fields of mirror plates showing the sky

Rivers like boas that ate too much food

Snaking the curves til they meet in the sea

Road and pagodas and water and trees

-----

Fires of spires

Breaking the sky

Mirrored monastics

Are walking on by

Ancient and neon

Mixing in light

the age of the Buddha

And time of the night

----

slip slip slipping

Fish fish flopping

Kid kid screaming

Splash splash splashing

Fish market teeming

Like a school of fish

----

Place of robes but not of light

Children running through that night

"Mai Savannah", My Savannah

Claimed by children as their own

Love and laughter finding me

Dearest moment, duty free

----

Serendipitous Internet

Instagram views

Breezes from engines

And Lin-Lin shines too

----

I've known this grace of which you speak

It's deeper far than any sea

A love, a light, a comfort rare,

My greatest sorrow all He bears

----

Rivers on land like lines on my hand

Crooked and snaking and crosshatched with trees

Yangon and Mandalay, Inle, Bagan

Journey adventure, an airplane's eye view

---

The biggest injustice is grace for our sins.

The greatest mercy mission was Christ coming down.

-----

Learn to cry for the sins of the world

Have faith that His light can conquer every darkness

Pray for the ones who can not see

There's only one who never fails

----

Sunflower turn their faces to the sun,

You turn your faces away from your gods

When bowing down to worship

But I, I stand before my king

And gaze at his beautiful glory

My eyes are opened

My heart is full

You transform me

And make me pure

----

How will we ever reach the ground

How will we ever land this bird

Our wings are so big and the earth is so small

We're soaring, cloud-sized, won't come down

----

Orange flowers orange earth

Orange feet from orange dirt

Bands of green and patchy creams

Azure sky and buffalo tracks

----

Water tracks and almost home

Sun kissed feet and joy in heart

Herons flying overhead

Hyacinth along the way

----

Heart in hand and eyes alight

Paper airplane hand tattoos

Flying round the sky and room

Dancing through the clouds and life

Loving, laughing, finding joy

Living out my days for Him

Going into all the earth

Fin.

By me 2 years ago

2011-12-23T17:42:00.001-08:00

Lord I don't wanna be here all alone
So storm my heart and make me your own
Here I stand in my transgressions and sins
All evil thoughts and no good within
But I fell down, Jesus, in front of your tre
Prayed for your mercy and you set me free
And your freedonm comes in my deepest storm
I get tossed and pulled and the waves crash down
But you've loved me first and you won't let go

Memories

2011-12-08T16:43:00.001-08:00

To drive down a road one used to take is an experience altogether singular. Whether in sunlight or darkness, the memories of the road and what it led to at times are fully lucid, or at least the picture they call to mind is.

Memories of children abandoned find me today, of their faces, defensive but hoping for love, like the children that most of us are. Actually I can barely remember their faces, or even their names. I can remember the name of a holocaust survivor, but not the names of six children surviving their own holocaust. All i remember is the dark road to the house that took them in, their fits of violence and of violent love, the stories I told them and their refusal to go to sleep. I told them stories of soldiers to make them behave; of our nation's brave who obey and are strong.

I gave them love to make them strong, but in the end I don't know what happened to them. I pray that those short few months are still a distant memory to them, that people that loved them and prayed with them and gave them stories of soldiers will not fade too far from their hearts. But most of all for them I want hope and peace and love, like that I've found with Christ, and that which I tried to give them.

5

2011-11-16T16:47:00.001-08:00

I'm getting big

I'm getting grown

I'm louder than

I've ever been

Because of being 5

I'm getting old

I'm getting tired

I'm making noise

And running hard

Because of being 5

I spin around

In spinny chairs

I groan and sing aloud

I dream up to the stratosphere

Because of being 5

2011-11-14T12:00:00.001-08:00

Avoid Hypocrisy by striving to live for God the way you should with honesty about the remnants of sin in your heart and life. Don't pretend to be good, but don't abandon the pursuit of Christ-likeness because you are not like Him yet.

soulscream

2011-11-14T01:08:00.001-08:00

your soul is a fire

exploding through space

your love is entirely

filling our space

as we run through horizons

and clutch at our dreams

that bright streaming soulscream

will make our hearts free

heartfull

2011-10-24T00:35:00.000-07:00

Streets paved with prejudice

hearts full of shame

daughter of zion

is that still your name?

Compassion, Combustion

Compulsion to run

Redeemer, Messiah

This fight will be won.

Worshipping, Screaming

and crying His name

His love is the cover

His peace is your gain

Yeshua, Avinu

All comfort He owns

So run broken daughter

and rest at His throne.

driving fast with the windows down

2011-09-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

Dipping my fingers in the water-wind of time

as the tendrils of my hair whip around my face

totally totality beautiful insanity

rapid songs and split-toned dreams

emulsions floating full of themes

darkroom feelings clattering

eat my soul and reign supreme

freedom calls and hear me scream

down we go and dream and dream

alive alive we feel alive

hair on fire, car in drive

2011-09-19T15:25:00.001-07:00

the name forever on our lips

is Jesus our redeemer

the theme of all our earthly days

eternity's refrain

2011-09-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

Resolved: To fuse my moments of banality with the passion I wish i were spending in climbing distant mountain ranges and swimming in far-off seas. If I am to right now live in the everyday routine, then I must really LIVE it.
To dance with the attitude that it may be my last dance, to love people as if it may be my last day to love them, to frame each photograph with the knowledge that it may be the last view through my eyes that anyone could ever see.
This living's not for me. It's so much bigger than I feel.

Something I'm working on...

2011-08-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

Once there lived a little boy

His name was Peter Andy

He often stopped to watch the planes

as they loaded and fled from the ground

Peter was happy just watching them fly

But one day he started to think

“where do they come from and where do they go?”

Every craft would return on its own

He crept up much closer to where the planes lived

And to Peter’s surprise all the people were gone

All he could smell was the burn of his town

The smell of his clothes that were really just trash

The planes were so shiny, so clean and brand new

He wondered, “Could he be as new as them too?”

He wandered much closer and saw in the panels

The reflection of him and how dirty he was.

He sat on the pavement, his heart growing sad

There was hope that had drawn him

But hope of a life far away in the sky, he thought

Surely impossible for one filthy as I

Of a sudden a man came walking to Peter

He said “Have you come for the ride?

It’s a long and dark journey, but the end is all joy

Now is the time to board today

Come along or forever stay.”

Peter looked up at the man, surely crazy.

“Did you see what I look like, how filthy, unclean?

I’d soil the seats, I’d ruin the plane,

I don’t belong there, I never could come.

The man just took one big step closer

And took young Peter by the hand

“No one who comes is clean for the plane

We do that for you, it’s part of the plan.”

Peter just stared, t’was a lot to take in

The man wanted Peter and could make him all clean

Peter looked over his shoulder to home

And suddenly knew what a place that it was

Home was burning and burning

His home was a trash heap

Everyone there was as filthy as he

The poison they breathed was the air of destruction

Their whole life was dying

He saw that all now.

“Today is the day where you have to decide”

The man stretched out his hand and took Peter’s inside

“It’s forever or nothing and now you must choose,

Will you travel away into the sky?

Or stay here forever and surely here die?”

Peter felt that his heart was divided within

He knew the filth from which he had come

But the filth was the comfort he’s always known

To be clean would be strange and just so far away

But he knew at the heart of the depth of his heart

There was no going back, He had to take part.

He stepped toward the man and said

“This takes my life, we’d better go

Soon before the light is all gone.”

They ran to the plane and climbed quickly in.

The man hugged Peter and said

I’ll be up front, flying this thing

You won’t always see me, but I won’t let us down.

Out stepped a girl, her clothes somewhat clean

Cleaner than Peter but not as clean as the man.

She said “Come on, Peter! Glad you’re aboard!

I’ll show you how we live.

“The journey’s long,” the girl began

“But trust the pilot, the man that you met

There will be storms and turbulent times

But that’s where our seatbelts come in.

The plane may shake and bounce all around

Sometimes there’s lightning and sometimes it’s loud.

But even if we are out of control

The Pilot’s ships always arrive safe at the last.”

Peter sat and he buckled on in

He realized his clothes were less dirty already.

Nothing He’d done, but in places where the pilot had lifted him up

The stains were much lighter the stench was much weaker.

His heart swelled with joy as the liftoff ensued

And the view as the plane touched the edge of the sky

And the pilot exclaimed

“It’s beautiful now, wait till I come again.”

Peter could rest now like never before

The food that the pilot made was unlike any he’d known

And the time that he spent with the pilot was full

Of laughter and joy, and cleansing some more.

The girl came around every now and again

But when he focused on the pilot

He barely could see anything more

Than the smile on his face and the touch of his hand

Filled with love, filled with life, and full of his grace.

After some time the pilot didn’t come near as much

And Peter grew restless and wandered around

One day near the kitchen that was stocked with good food,

He smelled something earthy and not all that good.

A smell he remembered that made his head light with feeling

And when he saw what it was all his senses went reeling

A stash of the garbage that rotted behind

The kitchen in a pail that had yet to be dumped.

The boy could remember the taste of this slop

He remembered at first with an uneasy feeling

Then he remembered his favorite rotten delights

The smell overwhelmed his mind and his thoughts

His memories kept growing stronger and stronger.

He walked out the door but his mind stayed within

Thinking of garbage and how much he’d found

And of how much it filled him when he’d been at home

They were blessings turned sour, not at their right time

He knew his food was better, but couldn’t resist

The temptation to taste of the garbage again.

He started to sneak little handfuls away.

He lost his taste for the Pilot’s food

His days spent instead consuming nasty old fish heads

The pilot was gone far longer than usual

And the habit grew larger and larger and larger.

The pains in his stomach grew worse as the days passed

And It came to a point where he couldn’t get up

The trash became trash again in a different pail

And his nausea consumed him but mixed with desire.

‘I feel I will die” screamed Peter that day

“How could the pilot leave me this way?

Why would he leave pails of stuff lying around that could make me this sick,

That could bring me to death?

When Peter was worse than he ever had been

The pilot came down from the cockpit and said

“My peter, why would you go back to that trash

When my cooking for you is the best of the best?”

Peter just groaned and he whined in his shame

“I don’t know what I was thinking

It’s made me so sick

I know your ways are the best and your place is my rest.”

The Pilot nursed Peter back to health

And gave him a diet of what would be best

Peter recovered and the pilot said then

“I’m going up front and don’t know when I’m coming

Back, but watch for me patiently, eating my food for my best is your best.”

(to be continued/improved upon)

thoughts from tonight

2011-08-15T01:47:00.001-07:00

God has perfect designs and times for the gifts He gives, and trying to use these gifts in any way or at any time other than He has designed is like having a tree that produces beautiful fruit but eating the fruit when it is not ripe, or when it has rotted, or eating just the seed and the stem. Your stomach may be filled but you will probably get sick, and no matter the immediate consequences, you will have missed out on the best possible thing, the perfectly matured fruit at the perfect time.

God's plan here is not a plan for human satisfaction, but a plan to display how great his love and mercy are, and somehow when we partake of that, living in the way He designs, then we will find satisfaction from His glory, from living out His designs. His ways so far transcend us, that this is the ultimate best; to find the greatest joy and satisfaction from forsaking our own desires and plans and living for the glory of another.

The Invitation

2011-08-04T03:01:00.001-07:00

I'm so full of sin
But you're so full of grace
and you're reaching to me
and your promises all say

Come as you are
Come meet with me
I am the Truth
and the truth makes you free
leave all your sins
I have grace to forgive you
child of mine
it's for you I have died

I can hardly believe
there could be mercy so free
But when I fall and you catch me
I keep hearing you singing

Come as you are
come meet with me
I am the truth
and the truth makes you free
leave all your sins
I have grace to forgive you
child of mine
it's for you I have died

Come weary sinner, poor and unworthy
darkness to light, look, the glory is shining
Come weary sinner, I am your father
I am your portion, I love you for always

flying

2011-07-08T12:16:00.000-07:00

leaving the ground the sunset lines

the glow that's running through the skies

Your love is a mystery of destiny and why

like how they persuade these giant airplanes to fly

and the way it feels when my feet leave the ground

when the gravity pins me straight to my seat

it's a rush it's a change but the joy is the same

when i read of your love or i see hearts transformed

or i learn of your grace and your mercy so strong

all the ways that you take me to circling round

from the things that I love to the ways of your son

remind me of airplanes and days full of joy

soaring up miles high thinking of you

and my heart is content with your love

Love thoughts?

2011-07-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

Love paints a picture of Jesus' face

Our actions a shadow, a touch of His grace

Loving, our method, our course and our guide

Showing a glimpe of all that sin hides

Let me lead you to this other worlds

Full of the peace and the light we can't see

Made from the glory our minds cannot reach

Reaching out to touch little parts of these lives

Finding a way to support to survive

Pointing the way through current tribulations

Leading the way to my Lord's perfect station

Only in Jesus can any find rest

Only with him will the demons meet death

Help me to show just a glimpse of his face

And my life will surely be running the race

Thought: Learning to love is more important than learning about ghosts.

A song born out of struggle

2011-06-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

a while ago i doubted strong

and feared if i believed in God

i knew somehow i had to find

a way to see if i believed

in all these things so hard

like hell bound people in a

theater of God's design and if that's right

i know the answer how it's all of Him

that he can do whatever just so

he will have the final say

bringing glory to himself is

all the highest good there is

and this i know, that this is true

that He is bigger and more worthy

but the worst thing was that

i can look inside my heart and see that

i do not belong within his courts

my heart is far rebellious still

and many days i just don't love him yet

but for some reason i can not escape him

there is just a hold too tight

he grasped my heart and wants it still

i don't believe it sometimes but his

love is stronger than my doubts and worries

that his plan may be the less than best

and if he's even real at all

i tested if my heart believed and all that i could

reconcile was God is bigger than my heart

and whether i can understand it

he is best and all deserving all the highest accolades i

ever bring to anything.

my god is so big, so strong and so mighty,

there's nothing my god can not do

and he holds to my heart though at times i don't want him

and though i'd like to doubt him he'll always be stronger

and picking me up when i fall down for years

into beautiful agony, doubt riddled fears

but someday i'm free from this body of sin and that death is the door out of

death into life.

i can't run from him and somehow it brings me to loving him more.

oh god i can't run and there's no where to hide

my dark little space is laid bare by your light

and you are the only one that i need.

David wrote psalms despairing at first

he ached and he groaned with the rest of creation

wondering why we can not win

i'd like to think he ached for years and even when he

triumphed with you he was still right in the thick of it

but at the end of all despair he saw your light and you were there

the point of all his suffering, he needed you, you are the king.

even though i'm still a struggler

lonely, vile, can't reconcile

i know you're with me, though

i think that you should leave me

just to rot like i deserve

and i can't fathom why you'd pick me

and my life just feels so hard

the pressure crashes

and i feel like i just fall back deeper

in the hole i'm digging

trying to get out but only

getting further in

but there's this good work you have started

and you keep me to the end so

i won't forget your holy power

and that darkness shows there's light

and in the midst of all my trouble

i will look to you and fight

to race to joy that you have offered

solely in your self.

God my love is you.

english thoughts

2011-04-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

true love leads to
sight transcending
prior states of heart

She

2011-04-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

her soul is poetry

posies and paint

her eyes are the laughter

and hope of the sea

her hair finds the sunlight

in all the moon's dreams

her life leads the jonquils

to spring fresh with joy

her heart makes delightful

the bluebirds in may

the cardinals sing when she

passes their way

in the strictest of times

she will smile for spite

of the darkness of life

in the still of the night

in abundance of pleasures

she temperate grows

for past undergoings

have taught her "go slow"

she smiles at the future

and sings from the past

the love songs of ages

til laughter will last.

ramblings on love

2011-03-11T00:19:00.001-08:00

Sometime’s i’m overwhelmed by the love of God for us.

I can’t seem to love anything very strongly

for very long on my own at all, but He,

He loves me when i run from Him, when I

fall away and only love myself

His love pursued me his love chose me

His love called me out from being dead

His love made me live and keeps me now

and i will never ever be forsaken

this is far more greatly dear to

me than i could ever start to tell

this love just permeates my heart

the only son he ever had

the Father gave him up for ME

for me and you and HE

He went to die an awful death

just to save our rotten lives

we have finally been made free

we are fully free to be

all in love with all he is

able now to die to self

to love another more than us

to go beyond our own desires

love the God who loved us first

be the children he has loved

rest in Christ for he is home

know the spirit’s comforting

and someday soon

we’ll all be

fully

home.

Job 9&10 and Resolution

2011-01-09T14:27:00.001-08:00

so close that we can not escape

so far above that we can't stand

the reaching up that never ends

who can ever make reply

who can try to reason why

and who can ever make

this separation end

there is no one who understands

there is no one to go between

we're reaching out

but falling short

this longing empty fills our lives

we need a man who knows of god

a god who comes to go between

a loving priest to make amends

before you Lord, oh who can stand?

the perfect man, a living way

to know the heights and dive the depths

to come full close and reach our hearts

to fully close our separation

and to end our condemnation

you have met the Lord's decrees

you have made our souls go free

still i can not make reply

you are Holy, Christ on high

now we stand before the throne

joined in you, completely home.

A song I wrote

2011-01-09T14:06:00.000-08:00

Little Baby Lord
A Christmas Song

(I know i'm not the best singer and it's not the best song ever, but i wanted to share it)
:)

Lyrics-

Little baby in the cold
Body wrapped with swaddling clothes
Heaven in those strips of rags
the shepherds fall in wonder.
God revealed in flesh and bone
Plans to reconcile a world
To pay the debt we'd die to own
All drowning, going under

Little baby Lord
In your will we stand
Through the fate you bore
We're alive within.
Justifying death
On a cursed tree
Our new life began
On the day that you were born

Little baby lying there
All God's fullness in your eyes
Come to live to die alone
Forsaken by your Father
All our sin you'll take away
Condemnation fully swayed
We give our lives in praise to you
And worship full of wonder

epiphany

2011-01-06T14:19:00.000-08:00

I've been struggling to understand what you mean when

you say you satisfy my every need

but lying here i understand a part

your joy is full enough to satisfy my heart

the love i want you freely give

if i'm not full i'm filling from an empty source

when all the bounty you have planned

is far beyond what i'm clutching in my hands

I want to fill my heart, but you

want to take it past that, you

want to give me a new heart

entirely which will be far beyond

the limits i've been thinking of

grace so full with you is found

grace to cover all my sins

let the healing streams about

make and keep me pure within

Inspired by my Art Class reading

2010-10-26T13:31:00.000-07:00

we're all just drowning

in this river of time

victims of time's shutter speed

cutting up our fleeting lives

we want the speed of modernity

but also to stay in a moment forever

we long to know the future

but love to hold pieces of the past

it's our hunger for eternity

that keeps us where we are

we all want to hold a piece of forever

these folds in the fabric of time

tightrope

2010-10-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

we're walking such a tightrope

in our quest for the design

we be falling off the catwalk

for the fortyseventh time

there's a contrast in exposure

that our eyes can not discern

but we know we're drawing closer

when the forms become a blur

we see the face we long to love

the further ranging lord

the justice where we can't pretend

to have what we deserve

but it lets us in the kingdom

where we doubt our spotless clothes

and we're digging up the rags beneath

to show what orphans are

if we fully grasped these concepts

we'd probably be dead

but we're feeling out the pathway

to that shaky light ahead.

safety?

2010-09-23T00:20:00.000-07:00

and even in the darkness, your love was shining still

just our tunnel vision blinded eyes were falling through our will

love we fall love we fall

through the love and through it all

into arms that never fail

though the tunnel's miles deep

at the end we fall asleep

2010-09-07T00:45:00.001-07:00

why does breathing come so hard
i lie awake let down my guard
infinity can blow my mind
i think i'll let it one more time

cause I see the beauty in the golden hours
in the smooth wet glass where the waves recede
and the laugh i hear when your voice comes near
makes me close my eyes in my always quest for
infinity

satisfaction still my qualms
fill my longing (and) kill the dark
steal my breath in the final hour
my heart has known you once before

when i saw the beauty in the golden hours
in the smooth wet glass where the waves recede
and the laugh i heard when your voice came near
made me close my eyes in this always quest for
infinity

satisfy

2010-08-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

lord, teach me to be fully satisfied in you.

be my only be my all

free my heart to full adore

all you give and all you are

2010-08-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

aren't we all just the outcasts the poor and the dying

the drugged out and beat down and dirty and crying

where do our hearts go whenever we stumble

we met the rich man but he was homeless like us

but he's here with a plan to get us out of this dust

his last veil tearing action was to know separation

that gap we never could overcome

to get to God all on our own.

he knew it all for us.

hi

2010-08-01T00:50:00.000-07:00

what is it that we long for
is it beauty is it pain 
is it something calling through the rain
is the aching in our hearts
just a meter for the storm
or is it where we feel the need, the further pointing form

why do we run and fascinate 
with all the things that drain our hearts
to try and fill them up again 
though seive-like holes are fully round

our beauty stems from being bride
to heaven's master and our lord
here below we strive for beauty just to
cover up the ugliness we all can sense inside
our aching for a satisfaction that
we'll only ever find in Christ

I wish that I "got" life. But Lord I just can't run from you.

2010-06-12T14:37:00.000-07:00

trust him your soul for

he is faithful and good for

all we need

he will supply

and if we were in charge

the world would not survive

but because not we but he

the light is still ashine.

broken heart

2010-05-24T13:33:00.001-07:00

one of the worst things about sin

is it keeps us all from loving

people

baCK

2010-05-03T00:37:00.000-07:00

sometimes there is just no way in the world or hell or heaven
that i am brave enough to tell the truth.

"what can we give when we're all ripped up inside"
i wrote that but if i gave it up to all the world
what would be left of me?
and who would understand my pleading
though i know it all inside
it rips and shreds the core.
i may be ripped but i am also whole.
but though i'm whole i can be ripped.

ha'shir shel mi

2010-05-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

there are days when the world seems to fall apart
when we lose sight of christ though he holds our hearts
and our sin takes hold and we fall so hard
and though we repent we listen to our hearts as they tell us "you've fallen too far"

but we were never any better in and of ourselves
we were always fallen blind and hopeless lost and dead
but you came and you sought and you saved our souls
and your love draws us near when we've run so far
so we come to you now falling on our knees
so forgive us
and thank you lord

Lord I want to be here swimming in your sea
in your pleasure so deep that my heart is free
and I know your arms are my deepest rest
and in you I hide when my fears overwhelm and I doubt if your love covers me

but we were never any stronger in and of ourselves
we were always fallen blind and helpless lost and dead
but you came and you sought and you saved our souls
and your love draws us near when we've run so far
so we come to you now falling on our knees
so forgive us
and thank you lord

true

2010-04-12T00:57:00.001-07:00

there is hope
because
[but god]
is greater than my heart

written in church at Easter (rhymes a lot)

2010-04-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

We own our guilt and face the cross

and as we give up all we've lost

the Saviour stands on calvary

and pours His blood, all pure and free

to bring redemption, lived and died

buried deep, now glorified

the Resurrection broke our curse

and through that hope we have new birth

where is it all going

2010-04-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

the world's so full of

people breaking hurting

crying needing faking

when i feel it overwhelming

nothing in me can i bring to

heal or fix or love or something

what can we give when we're all ripped up inside

only jesus heals those tears and scars

and brings us through and shows us who we are

weight of glory

2010-03-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

ever to the cross i turn
after falling times again
for it's there i see true love
and all i could desire
these things i chase forsake again
my earthly loves and fleeting sins
always leave me broken down
and empty all my strivings

   yet at the cross
   i've been brought near
   a wand'ring child
   who loved the world
    but though far off
    you've loved me still
    and all your death
    you died for me
    and on the cross
    you gave it all

everything you were it cost
the consummation of the world
all your glory cast aside
to save a wretch like me

[the cost of the cross was Christ, all he owned and giving it up,
to own the death we all deserved
and being cut off from eternal love and fellowship
that was all His right and forfeiting His claim to His glory.
He knew the cost and gladly paid it
loving us and knowing the weight
of glory that was invested in this plan.
Our right response is to give our lives because
they are nothing in compare
with what He gave up
(even if His was only a temporary suspension)]

{The weight of our sin and the Weight of His glory}
[our sin drags us down, but we can exchange it for His glory which will lift us up]

scribble during a sermon

2010-02-22T00:27:00.000-08:00

God's glory is inextricably tied

to His inherent worthiness and

His righteousness, Justification

is wrapped up in God's glory

because in our salvation God

credits to us (who have no glory of our own)

a righteousness we never had,

the righteousness of Christ

and the righteousness of

Christ is a glorious thing,

reflecting the Father's glory,

so where there was nothing

worthy, whole, or beautiful,

Christ sets up His throne

and supplies that all that lacked

and exhibits the glory

by showing His righteousness

through a plan that

fulfills justice and mercy

and love and wrath

our righteousness is not

our own

but our salvation becomes

a showcase of the glorious

righteousness of

God.

infinite.

2010-01-19T01:18:00.000-08:00

windfall of grace

face to face with the cold

i stand on the edge

still awaiting the storm

all the breakers are rolling

and crashing around

i'm on the edge

of the last solid ground

about to fall

but holding on

spread my arms against the wind

and sing my love to all the fray

and know this infinite place.

the love of [God]

2009-12-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

One who is loved by a beautiful other may look at the other person and feel unworthy of their love, insecure and unsettled within by knowing who they truly are and seeing themself with eyes that compare with others and expose every flaw, no matter how small. This person may think, "How could someone so high above me love something like me? They surely are only pretending to love me for a time, soon enough they will grow tired of me, realize that I can never be worthy of them and pass over me for a creature of beauty far beyond my compare."

this is humanity

So we are with God. We see His infinite beauty and are rightly humbled in ourselves. We know who we truly are and can see it with an eye that critiques and searches to the recesses of ourselves. We gauge our wickedness and unworthiness rightly, [but God] who has seen us far before we were a thought, or our parents existed, or the worlds were formed, although He sees us with an eye far more astute than ours, knowing all our sins, and He knew we were ugly and fallen and broken and dead, but because of His son, our perfect great lamb, we are to Him,

Righteous. Clean. Lovely.

Sinless. Whole. Restored.

and Beautiful.

[He sees Christ]

And that is all the fitness He requires.

Just to see our need of Him.

And we are loved with

everlasting

love unchanging,

never ending, never failing.

Who we are in Christ

is all we really ARE

lyrics ins arial

2009-11-26T16:09:00.000-08:00

Picture from Flickr, Lyrics by Owl City, Made by me. :)

living

2009-10-21T00:04:00.000-07:00

where was i when
you took my soul
and ripped the shreds
to make a whole?

the skin is cracking
dragon scales
the old is gone
the new has come.

going

2009-10-11T21:09:00.000-07:00

i feel like
like we spend so much time just
getting ready for
ready for living and life
but is all that living simply
simply existing?

if every moment
of every day
is not lived with the thought
that we are only alive
because of His love
and we only are here
to further the kingdom
and push on to glory
the cause of the master
the love of the king

we aren't dead yet
so we must live
the life that's left
with full abandon
toward The Love.

:(

2009-10-07T17:02:00.001-07:00

my life is full of disappointments.
peter pan never showed up at my window,
i still haven't gotten my hogwarts acceptance letter,
and no matter how many houses i live in,
none of the cupboards lead to narnia.

stain.

2009-09-22T22:54:00.000-07:00

The lady in the
picture frame
the face forgotten
shadow glass
torn again in
line and song
the caffeine addict's
dream
find me softly
hear her scream
and soft we lay
her down to sleep
beneath the
graphite's stain.

content

2009-09-10T01:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i just get to wanting adventure and to get out and
see all those great and amazing things that I've read of.
It makes it worse when i read phrases like the "the moon over the badlands."
That just conjures up in my mind this huge
vision of laying on my back on a huge prairie with nothing but me,
God, and the stars above me. There would be miraculous
quiet there and the whisper of the wind would carry rest and
adventure all in one breath. The aching of a heart that loves to wander
is definitely mine.

I want to feel the cool breeze that wafted about in Eilat as i
walked along the boardwalk and lay in the sand listening to the
strains of music from a nearby bar and the voices of my friends
discussing everything from relationships to music to various
types of dancing
as my heart was content as we also talked about the Lord.
Then there was the cool water that i stuck my toes in
and the next day snorkeled in.
There is little like a memory where everything from the smells
to the sounds to the very feeling of the wind against your skin
comes back. And the lights on the water
glimmered like nothing I'd ever seen before.

Then there are those days of hiking through the
woods around Baniass and the river Dan where the
foliage was lush and heavy with the rain that
just kept falling. It fell on my face and i loved it,
walking where jesus walked, as the rain He sent me fell.
And the roaring of the river as
it rushed on toward the waterfall was powerful
and i knew that He had made it all. There were so many
shades of green that if it were a less peaceful
color it would have been almost too much for sight.
But as it was there was rest and it was beautiful.

Caedmon's Call has a line "Lord, all the places you have placed us."
Sometimes it's hard to be where you're placed,
but it's the best for sure. God will get His glory whether or not
we are "happy" with where He puts us,
It would be utterly stupid to think that somehow
something we do could mess up His plans.
How humbling that we are in His plan at all, that He lets people
who are lower than low, that care not for Him
and His glory, serve Him and even have the strength to
draw another breath. The discontent that I feel, does spring
from an adventurous heart that is a gift from my God,
but also from a heart that does not trust my God with where I'm at.
How foolish am I. The adventure is living
a life in His love and serving Him with all that we are.
Then He takes us all over the place to spread His glory.

It's the only life worthwhile. Like Rich Mullins says:

Save me from those things That might distract me Please take them away and purify my heart I don't want to lose the eternal for The things that are passing 'Cause what will I have when the world is gone If it isn't for the love that goes on and on with. My one thing, You're my one thing And the pure in heart shall see God.

God is greater than my heart.

make it last

2009-09-06T02:05:00.000-07:00

life goes by like a hurricane
and vapor in the wind
it's a brand new day
with a brand new dawn
and these are exciting times

adventure's in the wind.
make it what will last.

all your own

2009-08-19T00:52:00.000-07:00

in the world
still i am
and hard the road
and dark the view
but then i look
I look to you
and see you there
in gardens pleading
loving me

For all the father
gave to you
and glory indescribable
you put aside oh so freely
to come to earth and
love the ones
who turned and hated
you and fought your love
with every fiber of our own

the bleeding dying all alone
and weight of sin was all my own
i wallowed wormlike in the murk
loving all the dead i was
but YOU, you took the pain and
bore the hurt and took the shame
the curse of God on broken Me
YOU
Died
for
me.

"nothing in my hand I bring
simply to thy cross I cling."

"you know the depths of my heart
and you love me the same"

these are true
your love is true
the glory all belongs to you
your beauty shines from bloodstained face
as peircing spear
would rend your side
and God forsook You as you died
but still you fought and drank that cup
for what was mine you died alone
and now my heart is all your own

plea

2009-08-13T11:21:00.000-07:00

take my focus off of me
and fix me to your
Love

given up, willingly

2009-07-28T20:14:00.000-07:00

days go by
and hours fly
and i look to you
for purity of heart and mind
and things that I should do

just to have your will
i give up my life
to know your fullness now
i long to sacrifice

no sacrifice i know
compared to what you've done
in giving up your throne
to die and rise again.

i'll follow where you lead
and run to you again
whenever i lose sight
or fall from where I've been

I know you'll never leave me
you called me ere I knew
your love is steadfast always
and your promises are true.

the struggle

2009-07-08T01:31:00.000-07:00

a thousand times we've come again
to a place where we're alone
we fight our daily battle here
and breathless leave again

my mystery of pain and joy
the fighters both are me
the one who does the sin i please
the one who loves the king

today we meet to kill again
the king's one cries for pain
today's the day and now we come
to fight and finish me.

what i'd really like to say

2009-06-15T01:04:00.000-07:00

run
run to him
to the cross
only he
can heal your pain
and teach you how
to live again
when all your life
is death by night
and cycles never
ever break
and all who love
your painful face
are pained to see
you driving down
the only thing
i know to do
is push His love
and know it's true.

turn around
come back to me.

surrender

2009-06-03T01:23:00.000-07:00

what is this crazy wild thing
that crawled within my soul
while i was lying broken open
given to my God

Maddest joy of loving free
and peace beyond compare
and resting in a father's love
to fully cover me

this the hazy halcyon
the day i died to me
the time surrendered everything
to serve a perfect king

paint the town

2009-05-31T20:36:00.000-07:00

sometimes you have to stop your fight
though truth is always true
concede the ground and start again
for love to shine on through

so paint the town with black and coal
and be the light's defense
save us from your bitter souls
and pray again lament.

free

2009-05-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

and all for love you died alone
darkened contrast thunder storm
all for those who were your own
breaking through to hearts of stone
conquering the hostile ones
glorified and risen free
lead to freeing me...

...oh how great is this salvation.

His

2009-05-16T01:21:00.001-07:00

falling down
to worship them
gods of worldy love and gain

never thinking
of the one
whose life i've come to claim

the beauty fades
the gain grows dim
all earthly love forsakes

the broken bride
begins to cry
all she has loved has fled

return to me
the bridegroom cries
beloved whoring bride
i've loved you first
and in the world
and love you to the end

she runs along
the narrow road
to where he waits for her

she falls and lays
a broken one
as He calls out her name

but then he runs
to hold her close
and whisper of His love

and as her tears
fall on his feet
His light pervades her soul

return to me
the savior cries
beloved chosen bride
i've loved you first
and in the world
i love you to the end

open hands

2009-05-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

take my future
take my plans
take my hopes
and to the wind
throw them so they're
scattered far
and break my heart
so i can be a
fervent useful
tool for thee
as one who has no
heart for aught
but what the Father
wills and as i
learn to wait on Him
all tears will gather
at His feet for
broken hearted penitence
is what i sought
and now must seek.

face me

2009-05-11T00:48:00.000-07:00

under the mercy
under the grace
standing before
the throne and his face

feeling love like
none before and
falling in an
awe full place

giving up all
earthly love to
resurrect our
hearts for God and

learning new what
love we're called
to show

sometime

2009-05-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

the lateness of the night
the rush of the caffeine
the automatic friends
debate philosophy

for in their little worlds
the lights roll on and on
and as they seek the truth
they're learning right from wrong

for two of them the night
holds answers to the day
and all the others fight
to know just what to say

for friends the night is young
while learning how to live
and carouseling coffee cups
are friends and enemies

given

2009-04-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

love abounds
great and free
falling down
covers me

see the wounds
bread and wine
remembering
love divine

cower here
before the throne
asking if the fallen
die alone

then hear the song
He sings out free
"the punishment
was all on me"

together

2009-04-29T18:47:00.001-07:00

and we're hitting all the red lights
and we're running out of time
while we're racing toward the finish line
forsaking olden rhymes
and a raven caws and stirs his wing
and all the stars align
we learn to live and sing along
in one accordant song

tuesday

2009-04-28T15:43:00.000-07:00

i see all awful parallels
and where the true way lies
and stuck there in the middle
i pray for healing clean
bleeding talking finding love
and yet my lips can not complain
because you've been here
all along

waiting

2009-04-28T00:44:00.000-07:00

all the things i thought i was
i now know i can't be
a heart that warmed to give you love
and find our way to God
and while i wait and watch for thee...

...I'll search and sear my soul

looking forward

2009-04-27T12:21:00.000-07:00

i do not know yet what it is
i only know we can not be afraid.

rest

2009-04-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

it's funny when you're tired everything becomes a chore
from the breathing to the talking to the walking out the door
and the breeze feels like a love song though the tune is not the same
and the tuna tastes like daisies in a golden yellow chain
when praying's an excuse to find a time to close your eyes
and your friends are speaking softly but you hear them sing out more
then a shoulder aches and heart grows faint as to the closing shut
your eyelids droop and threaten sleep before you've finished up.

s-thinking

2009-04-23T23:25:00.000-07:00

silence eats the
words i try to make come
while i wait and wrestle
with the thoughts about
to short my brain waves out

waiting in a happy hell
so tired of doing good things
dreaming about great things i think
should be coming from these
thoughts i must supress

i need strength to make
it through these days in
mediocre intellectual cut time
missing people who don't care
but thankful there are some who do

find an outlet in the
struggle for a better waste of time
brutal truth-ing in my heart is
all that keeps the beating
there for future hope

apathy

2009-04-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

my skin's too tight and
i can't breathe
the fleeting light
the bloody knees
if i were stronger
i would stand
and rectify the
fallen plan
but here i sit
and type alone
as wonder passes
on its own
and in the distance
i can see
a light that sweetly
calls to me
i know i want to
seek that truth
but prison'd here
i keep my self
in chains that i
have formed.
lord forgive my apathy

crazy

2009-04-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

i spoke to the bug
and the bug talked back
and the blob and the baby
with a big red tack
fly away said the bug
or you'll land on your back
and the guzzle takes your baby
and the people take your pills
and the world's a downward spiral
and you'll live inside a ward
and your nurse will feed you twice a day
through a slot in the door
and insane will be the label
that the people love to shout
it reverberates inside your head
in the prison you have built

speakit

2009-04-15T01:07:00.000-07:00

i'm afraid of things that tell the truth
of poems and prose; photography.
scared that windows to my soul
will open if you read the poems
and then you'll know and see
the total sum of me