A song born out of struggle

a while ago i doubted strong

and feared if i believed in God

i knew somehow i had to find 

a way to see if i believed

in all these things so hard

like hell bound people in a 

theater of God's design and if that's right

i know the answer how it's all of Him

that he can do whatever just so

he will have the final say

bringing glory to himself is

all the highest good there is

and this i know, that this is true

that He is bigger and more worthy

but the worst thing was that

i can look inside my heart and see that

i do not belong within his courts

my heart is far rebellious still

and many days i just don't love him yet

but for some reason i can not escape him

there is just a hold too tight 

he grasped my heart and wants it still

i don't believe it sometimes but his

love is stronger than my doubts and worries

that his plan may be the less than best

and if he's even real at all

i tested if my heart believed and all that i could 

reconcile was God is bigger than my heart

and whether i can understand it

he is best and all deserving all the highest accolades i

ever bring to anything. 

my god is so big, so strong and so mighty,

there's nothing my god can not do

and he holds to my heart though at times i don't want him

and though i'd like to doubt him he'll always be stronger

and picking me up when i fall down for years

into beautiful agony, doubt riddled fears

but someday i'm free from this body of sin and that death is the door out of

death into life.

i can't run from him and somehow it brings me to loving him more.

oh god i can't run and there's no where to hide

my dark little space is laid bare by your light

and you are the only one that i need.

David wrote psalms despairing at first

he ached and he groaned with the rest of creation

wondering why we can not win

i'd like to think he ached for years and even when he

triumphed with you he was still right in the thick of it

but at the end of all despair he saw your light and you were there

the point of all his suffering, he needed you, you are the king.

  

even though i'm still a struggler

lonely, vile, can't reconcile

i know you're with me, though 

i think that you should leave me

just to rot like i deserve

and i can't fathom why you'd pick me 

and my life just feels so hard

the pressure crashes

and i feel like i just fall back deeper 

in the hole i'm digging

trying to get out but only 

getting further in 

but there's this good work you have started 

and you keep me to the end so

i won't forget your holy power 

and that darkness shows there's light

and in the midst of all my trouble 

i will look to you and fight

to race to joy that you have offered

solely in your self.

God my love is you.

english thoughts

true love leads to
sight transcending
prior states of heart

She

her soul is poetry

posies and paint

her eyes are the laughter

and hope of the sea

her hair finds the sunlight

in all the moon's dreams

her life leads the jonquils

to spring fresh with joy

her heart makes delightful

the bluebirds in may

the cardinals sing when she

passes their way

in the strictest of times

she will smile for spite

of the darkness of life

in the still of the night

in abundance of pleasures

she temperate grows

for past undergoings

have taught her "go slow"

she smiles at the future

and sings from the past

the love songs of ages

til laughter will last.

ramblings on love

Sometime’s i’m overwhelmed by the love of God for us.

I can’t seem to love anything very strongly

for very long on my own at all, but He,

He loves me when i run from Him, when I 

fall away and only love myself

His love pursued me his love chose me

His love called me out from being dead

His love made me live and keeps me now

and i will never ever be forsaken

this is far more greatly dear to 

me than i could ever start to tell

this love just permeates my heart

the only son he ever had

the Father gave him up for ME

for me and you and HE

He went to die an awful death

just to save our rotten lives

we have finally been made free

we are fully free to be

all in love with all he is

able now to die to self

to love another more than us

to go beyond our own desires

love the God who loved us first

be the children he has loved

rest in Christ for he is home

know the spirit’s comforting

and someday soon

we’ll all be

fully

home.

Job 9&10 and Resolution

so close that we can not escape

so far above that we can't stand

the reaching up that never ends

who can ever make reply

who can try to reason why

and who can ever make 

this separation end

there is no one who understands

there is no one to go between

we're reaching out

but falling short

this longing empty fills our lives

we need a man who knows of god

a god who comes to go between

a loving priest to make amends

before you Lord, oh who can stand?

the perfect man, a living way

to know the heights and dive the depths

to come full close and reach our hearts

to fully close our separation

and to end our condemnation

you have met the Lord's decrees

you have made our souls go free

still i can not make reply

you are Holy, Christ on high

now we stand before the throne

joined in you, completely home.

A song I wrote

Little Baby Lord
A Christmas Song

(I know i'm not the best singer and it's not the best song ever, but i wanted to share it)
:)

Lyrics-

Little baby in the cold
Body wrapped with swaddling clothes
Heaven in those strips of rags
the shepherds fall in wonder.
God revealed in flesh and bone
Plans to reconcile a world
To pay the debt we'd die to own
All drowning, going under

Little baby Lord
In your will we stand
Through the fate you bore
We're alive within.
Justifying death
On a cursed tree
Our new life began
On the day that you were born

Little baby lying there
All God's fullness in your eyes
Come to live to die alone
Forsaken by your Father
All our sin you'll take away
Condemnation fully swayed
We give our lives in praise to you
And worship full of wonder

epiphany

I've been struggling to understand what you mean when

you say you satisfy my every need

but lying here i understand a part

your joy is full enough to satisfy my heart

the love i want you freely give

if i'm not full i'm filling from an empty source

when all the bounty you have planned

is far beyond what i'm clutching in my hands

I want to fill my heart, but you

want to take it past that, you

want to give me a new heart

entirely which will be far beyond

the limits i've been thinking of

grace so full with you is found

grace to cover all my sins

let the healing streams about

make and keep me pure within