an old note to self

It’s crazy sometimes what we go through to just realize what we should have known all along, that God is the point. 

He will bring you to the end of yourself, until you’re broken and worn out, and have no more of your own strength to try to use as a crutch.

Then in your broken state he makes your heart contrite and takes His praise from your lips, and then impresses you with how great his love and mercy and patience are in letting you come that far.

Worthy is the Lamb.

today...

Today I tried my hand at sea

to swell with tides and sink between

the foam and ebbs and all that teem

so gently turned and still careen

to lift me through the ombre breen

and finding shallow depth at last

i kissed the sun and flip turned fast

desert victory song

This is our desert victory song

When the lamb's come home 

And the war is won

We can sing while we dance

For the lion has come

And he ate all the death

so we're singing along

Somethings, or why do mountains always have valleys?

It would be nice if emotions could be like the continuity that is found in the hills surrounding Jerusalem. They not only surround Jerusalem, but everything is a hill. Sometimes in life it’s as if the higher you climb, the steeper the descent, and sometimes the longer it takes to make it through the next valley. It is comforting to know that the love of the Lord knows no descent, His passion for his glory is ever consuming, and that includes His love for us.

“As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people, from this time forth and forevermore.” - Psalm 125:2

This is my story, this is my song

I grew up in a home where the gospel was consistently proclaimed and constantly lived out. From a very young age I was memorizing Bible passages, learning songs of praise to the Lord, and gaining a lot of head knowledge dealing with the Bible, God, and how He would have me live. Although I knew these things, it wasn’t until I was six years old that the Lord really brought me from knowing as  fact that Jesus died on the cross, to realizing that I was a sinner who deserved eternal punishment because of my sin against the Lord and that putting my faith in His death on the cross to do what I couldn’t do was the only way for me to be saved. Even at that young age, God brought me to repentance, and I begged him to save me. I remember a week when every night I would be so afraid that God had not actually listened to my prayers, and when I was put to bed, I would beg him over and over to save me. My mom talked me through knowing my assurance in the way that God had changed my heart to desire Him and from that point on, God was faithful to begin changing me!

 That He had really worked in my heart was evident in my conviction of sin, in my desire to read my Bible, and in my new responses to the proclaimed word when my dad (who has always been my pastor) would preach. I remember, at six years old, listening to a sermon on the throne room scene in the book of Isaiah and being in awe of the holiness of God. This is an attribute of His that I am still incredibly moved by and love to think about.

I was baptized when I was 7, excited to publicly declare my allegiance to Christ, and God has been faithful to consistently work in my sanctification. With each new year, and with stages of maturity He has taught me and impressed upon my heart new things, and I am so thankful that He is committed to my sanctification.

This sanctification process has not always been easy, I have had times, some more memorable to me than others, where I struggled with whether I truly believed in God and this was mostly born out of seeing my unworthiness to be His as He revealed more of my sin to me, but God brought me to my knees and answered these questions with Himself and I saw how firm the grip He has on my heart is. And I know that it was never anything in me, but solely His grace and powerful love to me in my sinfulness that accomplished my salvation and declares my justification.

The things that He has most recently been impressing on me are convictions of the importance of being an instrument to love people all around me, and how crucial this is to my witness and ministry, that we have been so loved, that we must be showing this degree of love to others. Another thing He is impressing me with is the importance of this love in and amongst a church body, and being committed to the Bride of Christ and loving each other in our communities, striving for maturity in our Saviour together.

I love the Lord, He has heard my voice, my prayers, and has a love that will not let me go. 

kickdrumjuggernaut

i want to hurtle through

the night just like a

dervish spinning juggernaut

strapped to the belly of a 

dragon, beasting past the 

spatial patterns

streaming at the 

speed of light 

a hyper-prismic

plot conundrum

falling through the

nightmare's hunt

and screaming out a

lover's tune

the kickdrum looks like fire when

the beats ignite my heart.

love song

curl up in the palm;

The palm of my hand

A shadow will cover 

the tears on your face

the shadow my wings

will cast to protect

My love is your keeper

my faithful love stands

a guard for your back

to safeguard your way

the lions of peril

may make your steps weak

But fear not the night

because I never sleep.