the love of [God]

One who is loved by a beautiful other may look at the other person and feel unworthy of their love, insecure and unsettled within by knowing who they truly are and seeing themself with eyes that compare with others and expose every flaw, no matter how small. This person may think, "How could someone so high above me love something like me? They surely are only pretending to love me for a time, soon enough they will grow tired of me, realize that I can never be worthy of them and pass over me for a creature of beauty far beyond my compare."

this is humanity

So we are with God. We see His infinite beauty and are rightly humbled in ourselves. We know who we truly are and can see it with an eye that critiques and searches to the recesses of ourselves. We gauge our wickedness and unworthiness rightly, [but God] who has seen us far before we were a thought, or our parents existed, or the worlds were formed, although He sees us with an eye far more astute than ours, knowing all our sins, and He knew we were ugly and fallen and broken and dead, but because of His son, our perfect great lamb, we are to Him,

   Righteous. Clean. Lovely. 

   Sinless. Whole. Restored.

       and Beautiful.

      [He sees Christ]

And that is all the fitness He requires.

Just to see our need of Him.

And we are loved with

everlasting 

love unchanging,

never ending, never failing.

Who we are in Christ

is all we really ARE

 

lyrics ins arial

Picture from Flickr, Lyrics by Owl City, Made by me. :)

living

where was i when
you took my soul
and ripped the shreds
to make a whole?

the skin is cracking
dragon scales
the old is gone
the new has come.

going

i feel like
like we spend so much time just
getting ready for
ready for living and life
but is all that living simply
simply existing?

if every moment
of every day
is not lived with the thought
that we are only alive
because of His love
and we only are here
to further the kingdom
and push on to glory
the cause of the master
the love of the king

we aren't dead yet
so we must live
the life that's left
with full abandon
toward The Love.

:(

my life is full of disappointments.
peter pan never showed up at my window,
i still haven't gotten my hogwarts acceptance letter,
and no matter how many houses i live in,
none of the cupboards lead to narnia.

stain.

The lady in the
picture frame
the face forgotten
shadow glass
torn again in
line and song
the caffeine addict's
dream
find me softly
hear her scream
and soft we lay
her down to sleep
beneath the
graphite's stain.

content

Sometimes i just get to wanting adventure and to get out and
see all those great and amazing things that I've read of.
It makes it worse when i read phrases like the "the moon over the badlands."
That just conjures up in my mind this huge
vision of laying on my back on a huge prairie with nothing but me,
God, and the stars above me. There would be miraculous
quiet there and the whisper of the wind would carry rest and
adventure all in one breath. The aching of a heart that loves to wander
is definitely mine.

I want to feel the cool breeze that wafted about in Eilat as i
walked along the boardwalk and lay in the sand listening to the
strains of music from a nearby bar and the voices of my friends
discussing everything from relationships to music to various
types of dancing
as my heart was content as we also talked about the Lord.
Then there was the cool water that i stuck my toes in
and the next day snorkeled in.
There is little like a memory where everything from the smells
to the sounds to the very feeling of the wind against your skin
comes back. And the lights on the water
glimmered like nothing I'd ever seen before.

Then there are those days of hiking through the
woods around Baniass and the river Dan where the
foliage was lush and heavy with the rain that
just kept falling. It fell on my face and i loved it,
walking where jesus walked, as the rain He sent me fell.
And the roaring of the river as
it rushed on toward the waterfall was powerful
and i knew that He had made it all. There were so many
shades of green that if it were a less peaceful
color it would have been almost too much for sight.
But as it was there was rest and it was beautiful.

Caedmon's Call has a line "Lord, all the places you have placed us."
Sometimes it's hard to be where you're placed,
but it's the best for sure. God will get His glory whether or not
we are "happy" with where He puts us,
It would be utterly stupid to think that somehow
something we do could mess up His plans.
How humbling that we are in His plan at all, that He lets people
who are lower than low, that care not for Him
and His glory, serve Him and even have the strength to
draw another breath. The discontent that I feel, does spring
from an adventurous heart that is a gift from my God,
but also from a heart that does not trust my God with where I'm at.
How foolish am I. The adventure is living
a life in His love and serving Him with all that we are.
Then He takes us all over the place to spread His glory.

It's the only life worthwhile. Like Rich Mullins says:

Save me from those things That might distract me Please take them away and purify my heart I don't want to lose the eternal for The things that are passing 'Cause what will I have when the world is gone If it isn't for the love that goes on and on with. My one thing, You're my one thing And the pure in heart shall see God.

God is greater than my heart.

make it last

life goes by like a hurricane
and vapor in the wind
it's a brand new day
with a brand new dawn
and these are exciting times

adventure's in the wind.
make it what will last.

all your own

in the world
still i am
and hard the road
and dark the view
but then i look
I look to you
and see you there
in gardens pleading
loving me

For all the father
gave to you
and glory indescribable
you put aside oh so freely
to come to earth and
love the ones
who turned and hated
you and fought your love
with every fiber of our own

the bleeding dying all alone
and weight of sin was all my own
i wallowed wormlike in the murk
loving all the dead i was
but YOU, you took the pain and
bore the hurt and took the shame
the curse of God on broken Me
YOU
Died
for
me.

"nothing in my hand I bring
simply to thy cross I cling."

"you know the depths of my heart
and you love me the same"

these are true
your love is true
the glory all belongs to you
your beauty shines from bloodstained face
as peircing spear
would rend your side
and God forsook You as you died
but still you fought and drank that cup
for what was mine you died alone
and now my heart is all your own

plea

take my focus off of me
and fix me to your
Love

given up, willingly

days go by
and hours fly
and i look to you
for purity of heart and mind
and things that I should do

just to have your will
i give up my life
to know your fullness now
i long to sacrifice

no sacrifice i know
compared to what you've done
in giving up your throne
to die and rise again.

i'll follow where you lead
and run to you again
whenever i lose sight
or fall from where I've been

I know you'll never leave me
you called me ere I knew
your love is steadfast always
and your promises are true.

the struggle

a thousand times we've come again
to a place where we're alone
we fight our daily battle here
and breathless leave again

my mystery of pain and joy
the fighters both are me
the one who does the sin i please
the one who loves the king

today we meet to kill again
the king's one cries for pain
today's the day and now we come
to fight and finish me.

what i'd really like to say

run
run to him
to the cross
only he
can heal your pain
and teach you how
to live again
when all your life
is death by night
and cycles never
ever break
and all who love
your painful face
are pained to see
you driving down
the only thing
i know to do
is push His love
and know it's true.

turn around
come back to me.

surrender

what is this crazy wild thing
that crawled within my soul
while i was lying broken open
given to my God

Maddest joy of loving free
and peace beyond compare
and resting in a father's love
to fully cover me

this the hazy halcyon
the day i died to me
the time surrendered everything
to serve a perfect king

paint the town

sometimes you have to stop your fight
though truth is always true
concede the ground and start again
for love to shine on through

so paint the town with black and coal
and be the light's defense
save us from your bitter souls
and pray again lament.

free

and all for love you died alone
darkened contrast thunder storm
all for those who were your own
breaking through to hearts of stone
conquering the hostile ones
glorified and risen free
lead to freeing me...

...oh how great is this salvation.

His

falling down
to worship them
gods of worldy love and gain

never thinking
of the one
whose life i've come to claim

the beauty fades
the gain grows dim
all earthly love forsakes

the broken bride
begins to cry
all she has loved has fled

return to me
the bridegroom cries
beloved whoring bride
i've loved you first
and in the world
and love you to the end

she runs along
the narrow road
to where he waits for her

she falls and lays
a broken one
as He calls out her name

but then he runs
to hold her close
and whisper of His love

and as her tears
fall on his feet
His light pervades her soul

return to me
the savior cries
beloved chosen bride
i've loved you first
and in the world
i love you to the end

open hands

take my future
take my plans
take my hopes
and to the wind
throw them so they're
scattered far
and break my heart
so i can be a
fervent useful
tool for thee
as one who has no
heart for aught
but what the Father
wills and as i
learn to wait on Him
all tears will gather
at His feet for
broken hearted penitence
is what i sought
and now must seek.

face me

under the mercy
under the grace
standing before
the throne and his face

feeling love like
none before and
falling in an
awe full place

giving up all
earthly love to
resurrect our
hearts for God and

learning new what
love we're called
to show

sometime

the lateness of the night
the rush of the caffeine
the automatic friends
debate philosophy

for in their little worlds
the lights roll on and on
and as they seek the truth
they're learning right from wrong

for two of them the night
holds answers to the day
and all the others fight
to know just what to say

for friends the night is young
while learning how to live
and carouseling coffee cups
are friends and enemies

given

love abounds
great and free
falling down
covers me

see the wounds
bread and wine
remembering
love divine

cower here
before the throne
asking if the fallen
die alone

then hear the song
He sings out free
"the punishment
was all on me"

together

and we're hitting all the red lights
and we're running out of time
while we're racing toward the finish line
forsaking olden rhymes
and a raven caws and stirs his wing
and all the stars align
we learn to live and sing along
in one accordant song

tuesday

i see all awful parallels
and where the true way lies
and stuck there in the middle
i pray for healing clean
bleeding talking finding love
and yet my lips can not complain
because you've been here
all along

waiting

all the things i thought i was
i now know i can't be
a heart that warmed to give you love
and find our way to God
and while i wait and watch for thee...

...I'll search and sear my soul

looking forward

i do not know yet what it is
i only know we can not be afraid.

rest

it's funny when you're tired everything becomes a chore
from the breathing to the talking to the walking out the door
and the breeze feels like a love song though the tune is not the same
and the tuna tastes like daisies in a golden yellow chain
when praying's an excuse to find a time to close your eyes
and your friends are speaking softly but you hear them sing out more
then a shoulder aches and heart grows faint as to the closing shut
your eyelids droop and threaten sleep before you've finished up.

s-thinking

silence eats the
words i try to make come
while i wait and wrestle
with the thoughts about
to short my brain waves out

waiting in a happy hell
so tired of doing good things
dreaming about great things i think
should be coming from these
thoughts i must supress

i need strength to make
it through these days in
mediocre intellectual cut time
missing people who don't care
but thankful there are some who do

find an outlet in the
struggle for a better waste of time
brutal truth-ing in my heart is
all that keeps the beating
there for future hope

apathy

my skin's too tight and
i can't breathe
the fleeting light
the bloody knees
if i were stronger
i would stand
and rectify the
fallen plan
but here i sit
and type alone
as wonder passes
on its own
and in the distance
i can see
a light that sweetly
calls to me
i know i want to
seek that truth
but prison'd here
i keep my self
in chains that i
have formed.
lord forgive my apathy

crazy

i spoke to the bug
and the bug talked back
and the blob and the baby
with a big red tack
fly away said the bug
or you'll land on your back
and the guzzle takes your baby
and the people take your pills
and the world's a downward spiral
and you'll live inside a ward
and your nurse will feed you twice a day
through a slot in the door
and insane will be the label
that the people love to shout
it reverberates inside your head
in the prison you have built

speakit

i'm afraid of things that tell the truth
of poems and prose; photography.
scared that windows to my soul
will open if you read the poems
and then you'll know and see
the total sum of me