a while ago i doubted strong
and feared if i believed in God
i knew somehow i had to find
a way to see if i believed
in all these things so hard
like hell bound people in a
theater of God's design and if that's right
i know the answer how it's all of Him
that he can do whatever just so
he will have the final say
bringing glory to himself is
all the highest good there is
and this i know, that this is true
that He is bigger and more worthy
but the worst thing was that
i can look inside my heart and see that
i do not belong within his courts
my heart is far rebellious still
and many days i just don't love him yet
but for some reason i can not escape him
there is just a hold too tight
he grasped my heart and wants it still
i don't believe it sometimes but his
love is stronger than my doubts and worries
that his plan may be the less than best
and if he's even real at all
i tested if my heart believed and all that i could
reconcile was God is bigger than my heart
and whether i can understand it
he is best and all deserving all the highest accolades i
ever bring to anything.
my god is so big, so strong and so mighty,
there's nothing my god can not do
and he holds to my heart though at times i don't want him
and though i'd like to doubt him he'll always be stronger
and picking me up when i fall down for years
into beautiful agony, doubt riddled fears
but someday i'm free from this body of sin and that death is the door out of
death into life.
i can't run from him and somehow it brings me to loving him more.
oh god i can't run and there's no where to hide
my dark little space is laid bare by your light
and you are the only one that i need.
David wrote psalms despairing at first
he ached and he groaned with the rest of creation
wondering why we can not win
i'd like to think he ached for years and even when he
triumphed with you he was still right in the thick of it
but at the end of all despair he saw your light and you were there
the point of all his suffering, he needed you, you are the king.
even though i'm still a struggler
lonely, vile, can't reconcile
i know you're with me, though
i think that you should leave me
just to rot like i deserve
and i can't fathom why you'd pick me
and my life just feels so hard
the pressure crashes
and i feel like i just fall back deeper
in the hole i'm digging
trying to get out but only
getting further in
but there's this good work you have started
and you keep me to the end so
i won't forget your holy power
and that darkness shows there's light
and in the midst of all my trouble
i will look to you and fight
to race to joy that you have offered
solely in your self.
God my love is you.
